he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
