The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
