drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
