im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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