I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
