If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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