the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
