Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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