so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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