People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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