He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
