my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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