I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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