he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
