I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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