Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You made out with two different species that night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
