you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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