someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
