I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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