Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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