i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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