I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
