Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
