I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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