do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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