college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
