wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
