all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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