Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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