About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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