Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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