No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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