obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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