I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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