we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
