I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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