I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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