Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
