It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
