The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
