OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
