Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
