Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
