hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
