At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
