The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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