i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
