sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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