I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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