There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
