Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am puke
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
