There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize