life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
