It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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