Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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