I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
