I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
