now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
