It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
