Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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