The brown eye won't let me do that either.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
