when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
