I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
