remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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