she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
