the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
