Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
