have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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