Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
