somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
