can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
